Open-Ended Questions and Comments are your new BFF
If you’re like me, you’ve asked a playing child questions, and felt like the Big Dumb Adult when the conversation went NOWHERE:
Me: “Hey… are you a pirate?”
Kiddo: “Yep.”
Me: “You like it?”
Kiddo: “Yep.”
Me: “Are you going to sail a ship?”
Kiddo: “Nope.”
when you’re imagining a rollicking adventure.
At this point I would back away slowly, feeling like a clumsy, boring, and slightly annoying playmate. Sigh. (I also might overthink things a bit, LOL.) Meanwhile, the child plays with their costume for a few more minutes, then moves to another toy.
I’ve slowly learned that I need to take a breath, think first, and ask a simple question that does NOT have a yes or no answer. The benefit here (beyond feeling like a smarter grownup) is that those questions can help guide kids towards more involved, enriching play (especially if they get distracted easily or tend to drift from toy to toy).
Getting started with open-ended comments and questions
Open-ended questions and comments can stimulate and extend play in ways that become more complex and engaging. These “open-ended” statements include anything that doesn’t have a simple yes/no answer:
Me: “Can you show me how you did that again?”
Kiddo: (demonstrates putting on the pirate hat)
Me: “Oh, I like how you did that. What are you doing next?”
Kiddo: “Aarrr! I’m going to sail my ship!”
Me: “Where is it? How do we get there?”
Kiddo: “Over there!” (pointing to the couch)
Me: “Neat! Show me how you get on board.”
Kiddo: (demonstrates some more)
Open ended questions like these not only give kids something to talk about, but also prompt them to think about what else they could do during a role-play. All the ideas still come from the child, but a little neutral guidance can add depth and detail to their play. While it won’t work wonders EVERY time, your comments and questions can often help your kiddo prolong their interest in a fun play session and give it more details.
How play develops, and how scaffolding helps
When very young children play with a toy or dressup outfit, the play is pretty simple and basic:
- The car goes “vroom vroom” while the child pushes it.
- The “doctor” wears her coat and holds a plastic stethoscope near your heart. She declares you’re “all better.”
A single brief scenario (with or without plot), and it’s all done. When my own daughter was 2 ½ years old, I noticed that she rarely played with any toy for more than about a minute. It was sometimes exhausting to watch and try to keep up! Her attention span for pretend play grew longer with each year.
Open-ended comments or questions from you can help your kids “scaffold” (or build up) their play over time. Basic, simple play (like pushing around a toy truck) can evolve into more complex play scenarios (like making deliveries with that toy truck, building “roads,” and having conversations with each “delivery.”) Some kids naturally do this on their own; others really benefit from some quiet, open-ended guidance.
As play becomes more “sophisticated,” playtime lasts longer. Over time, this guided, complex play helps the kiddo build more advanced executive function, imagination, and creativity. It can also help children play more independently (with less need for interaction and guidance from you), and give you more time to drink some coffee before it cools!
Some prompts for you to try out
Open-ended prompts can work for groups of kids as well as for only children whose main playmate is you! Try out the ideas and let me know how they work for you. For more ideas, click here.
- If children have trouble getting started with play…
- Read a story, and then act it out with them.
- Leave a few costumes “accidentally” laying around for kids to “discover.”
- Ask the kids (directly or indirectly) for ideas:
- what do you want to play?
- which toy is your favorite today?
- what do you want to show me?
- Mention a topic that they’re currently excited about:
- How could you pretend to be a train driver? What would that be like? What do you do?
- How would a princess get up in the morning? What would she do next?
- If there are several kids, encourage them to work together and talk through their ideas together. This works best for older preschoolers and elementary school kids, but younger children can collaborate with your assistance.
- Keep your comments minimal, but encouraging:
- I see you working really hard at that.
- You sound just like a pirate!
- Ask questions that cannot be answered with “yes” or “no”:
- How did you decide what to wear?
- Why do you think the puppy (or other character) decided to do that?
For more open-ended and helpful prompts to encourage creative play with costumes, click here.
The benefit of repetition (yes… really!)
While playing the same thing over and over and over can put adults a little on edge… repeated play can hold real benefits for children. If we encourage (or at least don’t discourage!) children to do it all again (maybe on consecutive days), they can add more details to the scenario. Adding those details exercises some early EF skills: a little planning, figuring out the order of steps, and even thinking about consequences.
You can use open-ended questions to help your child add depth and complexity to each repetition. (This added variety also makes it more interesting for YOU, whether you’re playing along or on the sidelines!) For example, ask your child what additional ideas or details they will add to the plot: “After ___, what happens next?” or “What else could the Hungry Caterpillar eat?”
Playing roles (especially characters from a story) helps kiddos understand other viewpoints. That’s the foundation of a vital social skill: empathy! That effect is amplified if they switch roles, too–they can see the same role from several perspectives. Older kids may be able to answer questions about why characters act as they do, even if it’s an action the child wouldn’t take on her own.
For more open-ended prompts to encourage creative play with costumes, click here.
Simple costumes support creativity
To make all of this fun role play even MORE fun, add some simple costumes. I say simple because they can aid the imagination without directing or limiting the course of play. Although children always want dressups that feature their favorite characters, those can sometimes limit children’s visions of what a character can/should do. Include some simple multipurpose basics that can be combined to make new costumes. Scarves (like playsilks), hats and vests (like these), crowns (like this), or simple masks and capes (like these) can be a stimulating blank canvas for children’s own imaginations.
To get the kids even more involved in their pretend play, let them design their own costumes! This helps the child do some planning (another fine EF skill!). To make even a simple costume, they need to answer some questions: who they want to be? what does that character do? what props do they use? what do they wear?
There are lots of options in my shop!
Simple costumes that can be decorated with patches (like these) can make costume design fun and easy: a few flower patches can make a simple hat into an Easter bonnet. A name patch can transform a simple vest into a mechanic’s coveralls. Kids can even build their own simple, colorful, sturdy patches using a basic patch kit (like this one). With a little creativity and imagination, kids can transform their costumes again and again.
The tiny little interventions above get kiddos thinking, planning ahead, and cooperating as they play. With each repetition, their play scenario will become more complex (and independent!). Over time, your kids will naturally build their EF skills as part of normal, healthy, FUN, independent play!
Hi! I’m Jane, owner of The Rowdy Ladybug. I design and produce costumes and playthings for kids. Since I’m a parent like you, I know children’s products need to be FUN, washable, durable, safe, and comfortable. Everything I make is designed to exercise a child’s imagination while getting in their way as little as possible. To that purpose, I don’t use commercial characters or others’ copyrighted designs. I do what I can to keep my business as green and as local as possible.
I live in Washington, PA USA, with my husband and daughter. They tolerate my piles of fabric and occasional excited babbling when I create something new. We are supervised by two cats, who do a better job of holding down the furniture than keeping me out of trouble.
If you have questions about my shop, my blog, or my creative process, I’d love to hear from you!
